Leaving

We made it to the land of Oz. Actually we made it about 2 weeks ago, but those weeks have been busy and kinda hard. Taylor has traveled over 80+ hours in the car over the last month. Gavin and I have joined him for about 36 of those hours and it the last 8 weeks I have been a "single parent' for 6 of those weeks. Life can be hard sometimes. I have cried almost every day. I have said silent swear words in my head probably just as many times. I have driven around aimlessly trying to find things for Gav and I to do to fill our days (I'm still adjusting to this stay-at-home-mom thing) and have been going crazy with no internet.

I knew that leaving the Salt Lake area was going to be hard. Having everything within a short 20 minute drive was a blessing I took for granted. We lived in a good sized home in a fantastic neighborhood. I had friends and family close by (and a decent shopping mall!). I left a great job and great friends and was just beginning to feel at home. I always knew Utah wasn't going to be our permanent/raise your kids here place but as we drove across the country, Gavin and I most of the time, I tried to stay positive as to what we heading towards. This really was an answer to prayer: a job for Taylor that he would love. But part of me couldn't help feel like I was abandoning everything for it. I would do it all over again for him, don't get me wrong, but that doesn't make it any easier.

We spent Thanksgiving with my Grandparents in Illinois. After our 20+ hour drive to Kansas, a week later we packed up the car again and drove the 10 hours to my grandparents. I loved being there with them. We played and ate and just relaxed and remembered days gone by. And then we had to leave. Leaving. It seems to be the theme of the last month and it stinks. We drove the 10 hours home and it was longer than I wanted because I knew I really wasn't going "home". The next morning Taylor got up early and left to go on a soccer trip for school. A trip where he left and doesn't know when he'll be home due to if the team wins or not. Again, leaving.

Today I talked to my mom and my aunt on the phone and when I hung up, I burst into tears. I can't even "leave" anyone on the phone. Sheesh. I am such a crybaby! I know that things will get easier. They have to. I'm not trying to complain. I love my little family being back together (well, we have only been together for like a week!) and I love that Taylor is loving his job. I love that I get to spend time with Gavin going to the YMCA, to the library and just hanging out at home. I just don't like the fact that in order to do all of this and have all of this I had to leave so many things. It's a blessing. I keep telling myself that. Maybe I should tattoo it on my forehead. I am clinging to the fact that in 3 weeks we will get to see almost every member of our extended families! And I'm not thinking about the leaving part.